Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them. Children and young people who are groomed can be sexually abused, exploited or trafficked. Anybody can be a groomer, no matter their age, gender or race. Grooming can take place over a short or long period of time – from weeks to years. Groomers may also build a relationship with the young person’s family or friends to make them seem trustworthy or authoritative.

NSPCC

Grooming Behaviour

• Special attention
• Finding ways to be alone with the vulnerable person
• Gift giving
• Sympathetic listener
• Touching or hugging
• Offers to help wider family
• Acting younger than they are or preferring younger company rather than adults
• Sharing information about their personal life that is not age-appropriate

Though grooming can take many different forms, it often follows a similar pattern:

• Victim selection: Abusers often observe possible victims and select them based on ease of access to them or their perceived vulnerability.
• Gaining access and isolating the victim: Abusers will attempt to physically or emotionally separate a victim from those protecting them and often seek out positions in which they have contact with children, young people or vulnerable adults.
• Trust development and keeping secrets: Abusers attempt to gain trust of a potential victim through gifts, attention, sharing “secrets” and other means to make them feel that they have a caring relationship and to train them to keep the relationship secret.
• Desensitisation to touch and discussion of sexual topics: Abusers will often start to touch a victim in ways that appear harmless, such as hugging, wrestling and tickling, and later escalate to increasingly more sexual contact, such as massages or showering together. Abusers may also show the victim pornography or discuss sexual topics with them, to introduce the idea of sexual contact.
• Attempt by abusers to make their behaviour seem natural, to avoid raising suspicions. For young people and adults who may be closer in age to the abuser, it can be particularly hard to recognise tactics used in grooming.

Be alert for signs that a vulnerable person has a relationship with an adult that includes secrecy, undue influence or control, or pushes personal boundaries:

Signs of Grooming – Children and Young Adults

• Being very secretive about how they’re spending their time, including when online
• Having an older boyfriend or girlfriend
• Is getting lots of messages from someone they only know online
• Talks a lot about a particular adult or older child or wants to spend a lot of time with them
• Wants to go alone when they meet a particular adult or older person
• Is spending less time with friends or changes friendship groups suddenly
• Having money or new things like clothes and mobile phones that they can’t or won’t explain
• Underage drinking or drug taking
• Spending more or less time online or on their devices
• Being upset, withdrawn or distressed
• Sexualised behaviour, language or an understanding of sex that’s not appropriate for their age
• Spending more time away from home or going missing for periods of time

Signs of Grooming – Adults at Risk

There are many reasons why someone might groom an adult at risk. Some cases of grooming result in financial abuse. In these cases, the groomer’s motivation is clear – financial or material game. Many cases of grooming lead to sexual abuse. Again, in these instances it’s clear to see what the groomer’s getting out of the arrangement. Grooming can also result in radicalisation, in which case the groomer is simply working to win someone over to their cause. But in some cases of grooming it might be difficult to identify a motive. Unfortunately, some people just enjoy having power over others but you can help by spotting the signs that a vulnerable adult may be at risk:

• The person becomes withdrawn, or they may seem troubled by something but unwilling to talk about it. Alternatively, their emotions might become more volatile.
• You notice them using or wearing something new, that they are unlikely to have purchased themselves.
• Groomers often aim to isolate their targets from their family or friends. If they seem reluctant to see you, or they refuse a visit, it might be because someone’s manipulating them.
• You notice that sums of money have disappeared from the person’s bank account, or the person claims they cannot pay for food or bills.
• The person might be spending more time on the phone, or online, than usual. But they won’t say what sites they’re visiting, or who they’re talking to.
• They start talking about a new “friend”, “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”, and it’s not clear who they are or how they met them.

Adult victims of grooming often don’t feel like they need help. Also, some instances of grooming have all the appearance of authentic romances or relationships, until it’s too late.

If you suspect someone close to you is being groomed, either online or in person, there are plenty of ways you can get the support and guidance you need. All suspected instances of grooming should be reported to your Safeguarding Lead/Co-ordinator or you can contact the RLSS for further support and advice.